I was 18 years back then, 17 years just passed, almost half of my life, but I still remember that day as it was yesterday and I miss him every single day. And it still hurts... He was too young, and so was I. I was not ready to loose my dad already, I was just about to really learn to know him as a more grownup myself. Just started to have the "grown up talks" and to look at him as so much more then just a dad. When he got sick I was still a teenager, and now when I look back I so wish that I could spend a bit more time with him. Have some more talks, and some more life experiences together. And now, as a mum to Iselina (6 next week), my heart cries when I think about that he never met any of his grandchildren. He was such a loving person, he loved kids and to joke around, and I know he would had been the best grandfather ever if he had got the opportunity, which he unfortunately never got.
Another thing that makes my heart cry, is that Iselina talks about him so often. I have never understood why, or how.. but she seems to miss him deeply even though they never met. I have never talked much about him to her when she was little, or shown my misses in front of her. But she could suddenly start to cry and say she missed her grandfather. She talks about him so often, and she gets sad. I think about this a lot, wondering why she seems to be so effected by this, when he passed away 11 years before she was born. But as a mum, I can see how much this means to her, that she thinks about him very often and honestly misses him, even though I can not explain why.
She is the one that often ask if we can "visit grandfather" at his grave. She thinks about him, get sad and feel for visiting his grave. And every time we get there, she shows so strong feelings and get so sad. She can ask me "can I talk to him mum?" and "can I give him a hug?" and then walks over to the tombstone, lean forward and so softly hugs the stone for a long time. And I can tell this makes it hard for me to hold back my tears...
Two times I have brought my camera and captured a moment as this, and so far made one layout about it. For me scrapbooking is about capturing life, not only the happy moments, but also the sad ones that is a part of our life. So even though these layouts are maybe sad to look at, I think they are important as "documentation" and also as a kind of therapy for my soul.
This layout have been out for publication for a while for the great French magazine Scrap Pour Tous, and then "locked" on a hard disc for a year for windows only and I've been stuck with a Mac. However, finally it's unearthed from all the dust and here I am ready to show it to all of you.
Why Did You Leave Us So Early? We never even met...
The chosen title is meant to be as my daughters thoughts.
I used a pink cardstock as a base for this layout, then a soft patterned paper on top that I teared up as I wished before stitching easily trough the paper with a thick needle.
Here I wish to share another photo taken another time at my fathers grave.
Above; Here I captured a silent moment when my daughter (here 4 years old) is laying down a red rose at my fathers grave.
And here are some close-ups of the layout;
Above; Lots of different colored Prima flowers as a "bed" for the back and white photo. Underneeth the photo you can see I used a white tulle on top of a pink cardstock for a soft look.
Above; The cord I threaded trough the cherub die cut so I could get it underneath its hand so it could look like its actually holding the cord.
Above; On the bottom of the layout I added three small resin frames with tiny memorial images in. The upper image is my dad, photo of him taken in 1992, before he got sick and as how I remember him best. The lower left photo is with his tombstone, and the lower right image is showing my daughters hand holding a little white heart made of stone that usually lays on his grave.
For me it felt good to finally being able to share this layout, which does mean a lot to me because of the theme on it. Again, the love my daughter shows for her grandfather that she never met, is still something that I cannot explain. But there is a kind of "unexplainable connection" there that I will probably never find an answer for. So as her mum and as his daughter, I choose to believe that there is a reason for this and its meant to be like this now.
*miss you dad*
Thank yo so much for your time to drop by, truly appreciate your visit and all the love left, and hope to see you back again soon.
Wish you a wonderful weekend filled with lots of creativity and great moments!