Saturday, November 3, 2012

He left us too early...

October 22nd 1995 my caring and wonderful dad passed away. He lost after fighting against cancer for two years, only 51 years old.
I was 18 years back then, 17 years just passed, almost half of my life, but I still remember that day as it was yesterday and I miss him every single day. And it still hurts... He was too young, and so was I. I was not ready to loose my dad already, I was just about to really learn to know him as a more grownup myself. Just started to have the "grown up talks" and to look at him as so much more then just a dad. When he got sick I was still a teenager, and now when I look back I so wish that I could spend a bit more time with him. Have some more talks, and some more life experiences together. And now, as a mum to Iselina (6 next week), my heart cries when I think about that he never met any of his grandchildren. He was such a loving  person, he loved kids and to joke around, and I know he would had been the best grandfather ever if he had got the opportunity, which he unfortunately never got.

Another thing that makes my heart cry, is that Iselina talks about him so often. I have never understood why, or how.. but she seems to miss him deeply even though they never met. I have never talked much about him to her when she was little, or shown my misses in front of her. But she could suddenly start to cry and say she missed her grandfather. She talks about him so often, and she gets sad. I think about this a lot, wondering why she seems to be so effected by this, when he passed away 11 years before she was born. But as a mum, I can see how much this means to her, that she thinks about him very often and honestly misses him, even though I can not explain why.

She is the one that often ask if we can "visit grandfather" at his grave. She thinks about him, get sad and feel for visiting his grave. And every time we get there, she shows so strong feelings and get so sad. She can ask me "can I talk to him mum?" and "can I give him a hug?" and then walks over to the tombstone, lean forward and so softly hugs the stone for a long time. And I can tell this makes it hard for me to hold back my tears...

Two times I have brought my camera and captured a moment as this, and so far made one layout about it. For me scrapbooking is about capturing life, not only the happy moments, but also the sad ones that is a part of our life. So even though these layouts are maybe sad to look at, I think they are important as "documentation" and also as a kind of therapy for my soul.
This layout have been out for publication for a while for the great French magazine Scrap Pour Tous, and then "locked" on a hard disc for a year for windows only and I've been stuck with a Mac. However, finally it's unearthed from all the dust and here I am ready to show it to all of you.

Why Did You Leave Us So Early? We never even met...

Above; This Prima layout (made 2010) is a layout about how much my daughter miss her grandfather which she actually have never met. On the photo on this layout she's hugging his tombstone.
The chosen title is meant to be as my daughters thoughts.
I used a pink cardstock as a base for this layout, then a soft patterned paper on top that I teared up as I wished before stitching easily trough the paper with a thick needle.

Here I wish to share another photo taken another time at my fathers grave.

Above; Here I captured a silent moment when my daughter (here 4 years old) is laying down a red rose at my fathers grave.

And here are some close-ups of the layout;

Above; Lots of different colored Prima flowers as a "bed" for the back and white photo. Underneeth the photo you can see I used a white tulle on top of a pink cardstock for a soft look.

Above; On the teared up paper edge I pulled some tiny mulberry roses trough the paper.

Above; The cord I threaded trough the cherub die cut so I could get it underneath its hand so it could look like its actually holding the cord.

Above; An vintage cherub die cut are holding the cord I sewed trough the pattern paper.

Above; On the bottom of the layout I added three small resin frames with tiny memorial images in. The upper image is my dad, photo of him taken in 1992, before he got sick and as how I remember him best. The lower left photo is with his tombstone, and the lower right image is showing my daughters hand holding a little white heart made of stone that usually lays on his grave.

For me it felt good to finally being able to share this layout, which does mean a lot to me because of the theme on it. Again, the love my daughter shows for her grandfather that she never met, is still something that I cannot explain. But there is a kind of "unexplainable connection" there that I will probably never find an answer for. So as her mum and as his daughter, I choose to believe that there is a reason for this and its meant to be like this now. 

*miss you dad*

Thank yo so much for your time to drop by, truly appreciate your visit and all the love left, and hope to see you back again soon. 

Wish you a wonderful weekend filled with lots of creativity and great moments!


Debbie Pamment said...

Oh Ingvild I so know what hoe you feel. I was 18 when my dad passed away at only 47yo. I so wish my kids could have known my dad - he was an AMAZING person as I can see your dad was too. Our kids have missed out on so much not knowing them but at least we can bring the memories into their lives. LOVE this layout it has your heart and soul in it!

Scrappy Kapers said...

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. This is truly an amazing layout and something your Dad would have been proud of. Too many times we forget to scrap these moments and this is about our lives for generations to look through and you have certainly captured this

Tracey Gregory said...

Oh,thank you for sharing not only this beautiful layout but the touching story behind it ..

Lee-Anne Thornton said...

Oh I am so sorry Ingvild. This is such a touching layout and scrapbooking is so therapeutic. It is so true that we must work through our grief and scrapbooking is such a wonderful way to express not only the good times but the not so good times in our lives. Six years ago, my kid brother passed away suddenly at the age of 38 years and left behind a wife and a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. There were many times I would scrapbook with tears rolling down my face and I would try not to get it on my paper. It is good your daughter wants to know him and you scrapbook about him. I too scrapbook lots of layouts of my brother when he was a child and an adult so that I can work through my grief and my sister-in-law and niece and nephew can remember him as well. I have a post on my blog about therapeutic scrapbooking and cancer patients. Scrapbooking is so healing for so many people whether they are grieving over a loved one or are dealing with a family member or friend that is ill or the actual person suffering with the illness. I donate scrapbooking supplies to our local children's hospital for the children and their parents and siblings to work through their hard times. I commend you for sharing this and what you are doing is so healthy. Hugs to you my friend.

Helle said...

Beautiful layout with a touching story..♥

Shona said...

awww that is so sad and so touching...what a wonderful tribute page. I hope there was some therapy in creating it.

Vicky Alberto said...

Amazing story behind the gorgeous layout. I'm sorry for your loss - even though it has been a long time.

angel said...

XXX :)

Maja Stokk / eyovine said...

Jag blir så rörd när jag läser detta... Livet är bra orättvist ibland. Mina barn hann aldrig träffa sin farfar..

Kramar till er!

Bætti said...

Sorry for your lost. You've got some nice and peacefull pictures!! Keep the good memories........... take care.
Really beautiful lo!!!!!

Romy said...

Your lay-out is so meaningful and beautiful both because of how it looks and because of the meaning behind it.
Big hugs!

marijke said...

This is so beautyfull and
I do know how shee must feel ,
I never knew any grand parents and one of my grand mothers died 3 days before
I was born
I always say and tell how
I have missed that,having grandparents, your layout is beautyfull

Luce said...

Rørende ord og helt nydelig lo!

cinthia said...

I think this is one of the most meaningful layouts I have ever seen... Thanks for sharing it, even with its sadness it is also so inspiring because as you said, this is documented life.
So sorry for your loss, Ingvild.

Sharmaine Kruijver said...

I can not imagine the grief you have felt nor the questions your daughter has.
Your page is just gorgeous and I am glad you made it. HUGS :)



Lizzyc said...

HI.. Oh my goodness this is such a heart felt post I am in tears... what a beautiful layout and that photo is so profoundly touching... thanks for sharing such a personal and emotional layout and times with us... and I hope you find strength together for the future.. Your Dad lives on in you and in the heart of your beautiful daughter... xxx

Sølvi said...

I know how you feel, my dad died in an car accident at the age of 49 and I still miss him.
Your LO is so beautiful, love all of them;)

pattyo said...

Oh, Ingvild. This is such a beautiful layout and touching post. Iselina is obviously a very sensitive soul who has formed a bond with her grandfather even though they never met. It is probably another tribute to the man he was. I think children sense things we grownups cannot. Thanks for sharing the beautiful photos, layout, and feeling.

pattyo said...

Oh, Ingvild. This is such a beautiful layout and touching post. Iselina is obviously a very sensitive soul who has formed a bond with her grandfather even though they never met. It is probably another tribute to the man he was. I think children sense things we grownups cannot. Thanks for sharing the beautiful photos, layout, and feeling.

Танюша said...

нет слов.......

SusieJ said...

A truly beautiful LO and thank you for sharing the story behind it.
I have found scrapbooking therapeutic too...I've now lost both my parents but have boxes of photos to work with.
Hugs xx

Keren Tamir said...

What a beautiful layout, picture and heartfelt story. I believe in soul connections and how kids can feel those connections stronger than us even is the person is not alive. Have you ever wondered if she can actually see him or if she reincarnated as him. I believe we stay with the same group of souls throughout lifetimes so she probably has been with his soul on another lifetime and misses him even though she never met him in this world. Brian Weiss writes about that in his books and has done extensive research o. It. But you have to believe and that's probably why the 3 of you together have a strong connection that will happen again and again!! She's a beautiful girl like mine is also turning 6 next week and their souls are so pure and innocent. They know who to connect and bond with and I'm sure she knows ur father's soul very well!!

Paulien van den Bosch said...

gosh, I'm in tears, what a heart felt story and what an exceptional love your DD is feeling for your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I love this beautiful page so much. So meaningful and such wonderful details. (((HUGS)))

sassy said...

well now i have dried my tears after reading your beautiful post it moved me so much and to look at your beautiful page so full of love gone but never far away ..your little one is so beautiful and of course she misses him he will and is a part of her always.. through you he lives never does get easier over time i lost my dad 4 years ago and my mum also 5 months after him at christmas i miss them both so much and i have such happy memeories more sadly of me and my mother whom i nursed till she went to sleep on december the 13th it will be 4 years..this christmas i still yearn to hold her ....and have done some pages of my mum she is on my blog too with my dad that way i see them every day.....your father im sure is so very proud of you and your family and he is looking down with so much love and pride.....hugs sassyxxxx

scrapbookertink said...

Very precious memory to treasure x

Cristina C. said...

Some days ago I was thinking of bringing my daughters (20 and 8) at my dad's grave together with my 3 nephews (my sisters' children, 9, and 2) and take a photo of them there, with my dad who passed 30 years ago at 44. I was only 18, my sisters 17 and 10. It was a great loss. We never bypassed it. Our children will never meet him. He will never teach them all the things he knew. Now, looking at your layout and reading your words, I think this could really be a sweet idea. For all of us.

ladyjam said...

So sorry... crying...Very beautiful!

Hera said...

Your dad would be so proud of you and his beautiful grandaughter... you are so special... thanks for sharing these personal feelings with us... Love and strong hugs!

Hera said...

Your dad would be so proud of you and his beautiful grandaughter... you are so special... thanks for sharing these personal feelings with us... Love and strong hugs!

bethann said...

my dear sweet wonderful almost perfect husband died two weeks ago after a 8 momth battle with a rare very aggresive cancer. your beautiful LO inspires me to try to recreate it when i feel up to i'll print out the photo for later.

Fluffy said...

Beautiful all on levels! Tx

Torill said...

For en fantastisk vakker LO ! Så utrolig mange delikate detaljer du har fått med!


Grenouille Greetings said...

Beautiful photography and a lovely layout. Your post makes me think that your daughter and her grandfather may indeed "know" each other across the divide. Hugs, Lesley

pattyo said...

Just popping in to respond to your facebook post regarding the long spaces on your blog and the single letter running down the left side. Right now, it is fine. However, yesterday it had the spaces and single letters.

Creative Mine by Maria said...

Thank you so much for sharing this tender and sentimental time with us. It is very touching especially to help understand for me since my husband lost his father this last February suddenly and unexpected. It is difficult to feel like we help them get throught the days but also helps to know that we are not alone throught the diffucult times.

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